One of the recurring themes in my work as a coach, and in my life, is about taking up space. (You don't live life as a 6 foot tall, full-figured, blond lady and not confront your relationship to space! Amiright?!)
I wrote this for us.
For anyone, who because of their identity or its expression, has been sent a clear message that smaller would be better. Less, would be more.
Less you. Less being seen; more conforming and blending.
This is for you if being "too much" or "not enough" are things you're intimately, painfully familiar with.
I wrote this when I’d had enough. Enough of my own shrinking, and that of those I love most.
It's a call to expand. To stretch. To reach. To stand tall.
A call to get honest about what is at those edges. And, what it's costing you, and those who are counting on you, when you stay small.
I know it’s not comfortable, and for most of us here, even unsafe. But we’ve given up too much, for too long, and it’s time to take it back.
I love you and here is my wish for you, and for me.
For all of us.
I want to see you stand in your full stature.
Large and in charge, no shrinking violets.
I want to see you take up your space; fill it and then expand it.
Not merely for existence, for resistance, for #UsToo.
For your daughters, our models of how we’re singing the same song, played for us, pumped through the loudspeakers, drowning us out, keeping us small and hidden.
Crippled and hobbled, down on our knees.
I want you to Rise, to swell, to feel yourself full of blood and bone and desire. Bursting with pride, and urges, and wants. Lit all the way up, from the inside. A light, a beacon, beckoning, "Yes, over here. Here I am".
Here you belong, here you’ll be safe, to exist, to be worthy, to grow. Unclipped wings, unshamed heart, Untamed spirit. Your Wildness accepted, explored, held in high esteem. By you, and by anyone you invite to come close.
I see it, and experience it, every day. We deny our size, our space-taking and space-making capacity; in ways large and small.
We apologize constantly; sorry for even being here. Sorry for needing things. Sorry for being in the way. Sorry for taking any space at all.
Sorry for not getting it 'right'. Sorry for not knowing, or knowing too much. Sorry for being too sad or too glad or too mighty.
How small can I be, how little air can I breath, how tiny can I make my need?
We cannot afford to do this to one another, or to ourselves, any longer. Too many other ways to get clipped, shamed and tamed. Not us. Not each other. Not our daughters and mothers and kin.
It starts here ❤️. This is an inside job. You must explore the edges of your slouch. Question the ache in your back. Why your chin hasn’t been kissed by the sun ages.
Hold your head high my beloved. Dignified and graceful. Rightful warrior, peaceful pathfinder, agent of change.
It begins with you, right now. Decide there’s no more.
No more 'not good enough's, spoken in your own voice. No more ‘I’m sorry for being’, written in your own hand.
Today, begin to claim your space. Even if it’s one small corner. Breath deeper. Put your tow past the edge. Inhale, exhale, don't back down.
You are not too much, and you are plenty.
Here’s what they don’t want us to know. Space is infinite. The claiming of yours does not take from any another. In fact my dearest, when you do, you create more.
Ever expanding, drawing more in. This is how abundance works. (p.s. the same is true for money, and all the other things we use to indicate who gets to take up space.)
Create more, and fill it with love.
Create more, and welcome others whose space is even more threatened, and threatening, than your own.
You matter. You are worthy. That cannot be earned, or destroyed. Believe me, I’ve tried.
And still here I am. Unfurling all the time. Creating more space, for you and for me, to step in and Rise.
We need you. Every part of you. Standing in full stature.
What’s the space you’re leaving unclaimed my dearest ones?
I want to know how this lands; what you hear, what you feel?
Where does this rub you the wrong way? Where does it move you forward?
I love you dearly, and want all this for you and more.
You are never alone. Whether you and I talk once a week, or we’ve never met. I am on your team, because you are on mine. <3