[WHAT HAVE I DONE?]
It’s my first full day living in London. It's all slowly sinking in. I've made the leap. You know what comes after the leap. (Yes, even experienced leapers have this…) It goes a little something like this… “What have I done? What was I thinking? Can I do this? Why did I think I could do this? Why am I not more prepared? Why didn't I think of that before? Am I doing the right thing? What have I done?"
Dearest ones, these questions and the feelings that cruise along in their wake, are part of the ride. We don't get the rewards (the expansion) of the leap without the bumps of normal turbulence. This does not mean you're doing it wrong. Let me say that again, the bumpy parts don’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It can feel that way mid-leap. And if we’re not aware of it, that doubt can make us question the leap (and the ones that call to us later on).
Sure, there are things we can do to smooth these ripples instead of turning them in to full blown tidal waves. It's not easy, but it is oh so worth it! So, what am I doing to ride this wave today?
I’ve allowed myself to move slowly. To have fewer ambitions and expectations of my time and energy. (That is SO hard for people like us to do. It actually hurts inside my body to accept a deliberately slower pace.) I’ve listened to my cravings, feeding and filling my body with what it’s asking for (Yesterday, that was RED meat and plenty of full-contact hand-holding).
Today, I'm allowing myself to be imperfect, messy, quiet. I feel the storm brewing inside, and instead of jumping in with both feet, I'm watching from the sidelines and keeping a safe distance. It doesn't mean I don't feel the gusty winds blowing my way (damn I love a mixed metaphor), but I'm careful not to believe that this storm is the whole truth.
This storm WILL pass, all storms do. In times like this, there are two things to keep an eye on (My coach Greg Faxon helped me put words to this a few weeks ago. What did I ever do without a coach?!?! Thanks GFaxon!). Two things to keep an eye on when we're in the swirl of the storm - 1) this isn’t personal, and 2) it isn’t permanent. What does that mean??
1) This isn’t personal. Why is that important? Well, when we leap, and we feel the imperfection of it, we can turn that around on ourselves. All the “should”s - should have been more _____________ (fill in the blank with your favorite should). But the reality is, a leap is imprecise by its very nature. It’s a stretch, a gamble, there are no guarantees. Most of the time we’re leaping into a new reality. New game, new rules. All the preparations in the world cannot ready us for every possibility. There are no maps for uncharted territory. If you leap and fall flat on your face (meaning things don’t go exactly the way you’d hoped they would), it isn’t personal. You haven’t messed up. It is the nature of the leap. The bigger the leap, the greater potential for the unexpected. Sometimes magical and pleasant, sometimes magical and unpleasant. But what you feel post-leap isn’t unique to you (sorry snowflake), it is specific to the risk and vulnerability of expansion. Now, this does not mean stick your head in the sand and ignore the ways you can set yourself up for a graceful landing. Believe me, I’ve leapt that way MANY times too. Sometimes it’s just what has to be done, but I’ve also learned the upside of due diligence. Leap, land, learn. Expand. Repeat.
2) This isn’t permanent. Why is that important? When we’re in the ouchy parts of post-leap, our minds try to tell us it’s always going to be this way. That we’ve broken something important and that nothing will ever be easy again. That voice sounds a little something like this… "See, I TOLD you this was a bad idea. This wouldn’t be happening if we’d just stayed put.” The truth is we have broken something, we’ve disrupted the routine, we’ve cracked the status quo. None of this would be happening if we’d stayed put, including all the unimaginable things that will come post post-leap. But this isn’t permanent. It’s a developmental phase. It is predictable, especially the more you practice your leaps. You’ll know this part is coming, and you’ll know how to love yourself through it.
By the way, none of this means it will necessarily FEEL any better. I don’t think there’s any way around it. But, it can prevent what Tara Brach calls “the second arrow”. The first arrow is what I’ve described as part of the post-leap. But the second arrow is feeling BAD about feeling bad. Yep. That’s a thing. So if you know it’s coming, and you know it isn’t personal or permanent, this uncomfortable part of expansion doesn’t have to be as deep or hang around as long.
I know LOTS of you are mid-leap or pre-leap contemplation mode. As I live a life of leaps, I want you to know you’re not alone. I want to share what I’m learning about the anatomy of living a curated, created life. I want to show you it is possible. Your leap may not look like mine, but we all have desire for expansion. Don’t stay stuck just because you’re afraid it’s going to hurt. The truth is, it will. And then it won’t.
If you’re anywhere in the life cycle of a leap, and you have a hunch you could use some help to make the most of it, you always have an open invitation for a conversation. Use this link to set up a time for us to talk. It would be my pleasure.
Until next time beloveds,